I reply....I'm not here because I fell down. I'm here cuz I got up.....
I'm in a Joe Budden mood. I feel like just putting my headphones and listening to all Mood Muziks, rolling an L, pouring a glass of wine and not thinking about today. If only life were that easy.. -shrug- it's not. I'm disgruntled and I have a chip on my shoulder. Sometimes I get tired of working so hard when people who don't do shit with themselves are glamorized. Sometimes I want to get ig'nant and curse people out, start fights, and act foolish. Shit.....sometimes I want to steal and sell drugs for some quick cash. Doing shit the right way is so god damned hard.......it's even harder when we live in a society where people look at you like you're dumb for wanting to be legit. I'm trying to do more than stacking cheese........I'm trying to build a fucking legacy.
I'm ranting......I don't know why I feel so down and out....Honestly, I've always been this way. I remember being a little girl and getting so angry,upset,sad.....crying and screaming at the drop of a dime. The going family joke is that Mara has "issues"......my cousins would sing "Mara, Mara why you buggin'???" .....I DO have issues....I DO feel like shit a lot of the time....I feel like no one takes me seriously. I'm always second guessing myself.....my self esteem could be a lot higher......I don't feel like I do anything right. But when I stop and look at my son, husband, and life.....I know that can't be right. So what the fuck is wrong with me?
I know y'all.....I got issues.....I acknowledge that they are real....and shit I try to work them out...... :o|
-»end rant«-
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I think everyone has issues....so its just not you. And the ones who say that they don't have any issues are either not being honest with themselves or don't fully know and understand themselves. I feel you with this though, its hard to do things the right way, especially when you see people out here taking short cuts and doing everything the wrong way and getting ahead. Its hard to take the high road and the road less traveled all the time...I should know. Sometimes, all you get from doing that is self satisfaction...and when you think of it...that's really more important than anything else.
ReplyDeleteGood post!
ReplyDeleteI think you covered a range of emotions that we ALL go through. Sometimes we don't want to admit it. And ranting about it is cool. It's your release. I totally feel where you are coming from. Never stay down. The rise back to the top is always better!
didnt even know u had a new blog....im stuck on that thing lolol but i love the way u write :) even if it is sad
ReplyDelete