...and that thing has EVERYONE all fucked up. Really. What irritates me the most is when people complain about their deadbeat baby daddies/mommas. Personally, I feel people need to be a lot more selective about who they're having unprotected sex with. I mean if homeboy isn't good enough to have children with.....why the fuck are you letting him slide his jimmy jam all in you without a condom?!?! First off, let's put an unwanted pregnancy aside....there's options. What are you going to do when the doctor hits you with that paper stating you have an incurable disease? We really need to be a lot less selfish when it comes to this love game....because lives can result from it....and our selfish choices (ie just wanting some buns) can ultimately affect innocent lives.
Children seek out their parents even into adulthood. We seek partners who have the same attributes as our parents....without even knowing it. It's even worst when a daughter doesn't feel she's getting the love she needs from her father. I can testify to that. I've always been a daddy's girl....growing up, its me and him....movies,games,outings,there was a point when he even did my hair. By the time I hit puberty, my fathers drinking had gotten out of control and he was no longer the father I knew him to be. I no longer was the center of his world, and I began seeking attention from other males. For instance, losing my virginity wasn't something I did because I was madly inlove with the asshole who took it. I did it hoping that it would gain his love, his respect....wrong, but hey I was a 14 year old girl....and that's how young dumb broads think. Instead he disrespected me and made me feel unworthy during the entire relationship. Yet again, I was unworthy of someone's love. That feeling can really ruin a young girls self value....leading to the repetitive cycle of hopelessness, bad decisions, disappointment, and shame. There was one person who ultimately shaped the "high school" tamara. See this one, I crushed on from the first time I saw him in elementary school. He hung out with the kid who lived up the street, so I'd see him often throughout middle school...never really had it in me to speak to him. Then one day in HS, his friend was like he really liked me and wanted my number. Dumb me...got entirely too ecstatic. Little did I know he would use me, have a girlfriend, have his friends call and harass me (I had to change numbers a couple times), and just make me look like an idiot. And it hurt.....because I actually liked ol' boy. Me being with him was a dream come true....which quickly turned into a nightmare. From that point on, I was like "fuck niggas, fuck love, Imma do me". And I did do me....maybe a little too much, but I wasn't doing anything the majority wasn't. And I didn't really give a fuck about love until my senior year....when I fell inlove with the wrong god damned person. And like my mother....I put way too much effort and energy into a person who wasn't doing the same. The difference was, her and my father worked it out. Me? Oh....he got some ugly broad pregnant, wanted me to stay, threatened me.....yadda yadda...its history, and I really don't hold any ill grudges. But its amazing what one will go through seeking out love. Fortunately....we grow up, and we can look back and be okay with the dumb shit we did. Atleast I can.....
I have a great deal of hope. And though I've been ridiculed and humiliated....I knew I was deserving of so much more. I always treat people with the respect and dignity, I'd like. Maybe that's why I'm in the situation I'm in. Sometimes I look at my husband and I'm amazed that someone can love me as much as he does....sometimes its still so unreal to me. He's a hardworking good man, and an amazing father. I don't have to worry about him fucking other chicks.....I don't have to go around questioning broads or feeling suspicious. I mean because honestly...if it gets to that point...chances are you already know he's cheating...so why bother? Even if we were to separate, Jaelin would have two loving parents....and to me, that's all that matters.
That Thing....couldve easily had me down and out. My favorite Joe Budden quote is "depression tells me I suck, I reply... I'm not here cuz I fell down...I'm here cuz I got up". We need to get the fuck up....We need to stand up...settling at the bottom gets you nowhere....stop settling. We are all deserving of so much more, and if you're not willing to accept that....atleast accept that your children, our future deserves so much more -shrug- . We gotta stop this cycle of feeling like we can fuck whoever we want, whenever we want, however we want without even considering the outcome....when it comes down to it....fucking is more than just the act of fucking.....If you fuck a bum bitch...you just might have a bum baby momma, if you fuck a bum nigga....what kind of father do you think he's going to be? Do Better....
sidenote: why are AT&T sales reps so douchey? they sell the iPhone, they are not Gods.....they need to cut it out. (-_-)
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
*enters the room for the 1st time*
ReplyDeleteVery good post!
I think you're dead on point. We can't make bad choices when it comes to those we lay with. I remember my dad telling me..."Before you lay down with a woman, ask yourself if she's someone that you want to deal with for the rest of your life."
Those words always stuck with me.
Great post! Hopefully, we won't have to wait so long for another one ;)